A Day With Grandma

The most prominent thought that strikes our mind when we hear the word grandparents is about generations, gaps, ideals, and a blurry image of our grandparents. We quickly switch our brain on suspended mode and prepare to travel on the nostalgiac boat for an unending voyage. We fall into the loop of memories and undiscovered feelings that may or may not define the milestones of our life. What if you have an oblivious image of only one of your grandparents? Would you think of yourself as a fortunate or an unfortunate one? 

In my case, it was my grandmother who secretly resided inside my subconscious through the years. Whether it was too early for her to leave this world or maybe she spent a sufficient time; I can't say clearly. I was too little to feel for and too old to forget her. I come from a very remote part of India that remains unknown to the world and hence, can recall the social structure and preserve the philosophy of the most beautiful rural world. I could have been taking afternoon naps in the fields today if it wasn't for my very ambitious parents. A part of that beautiful social structure were the elders; in my home, it was my dear grandmother. 

Today I am an aspiring Aerospace Engineer and have a multidimensional mindset hence, not resistant to the frustration and rush of the professional world. Between all this ever-going rush, somehow my late grandma managed to give me a visit through my subconscious. She left me so early that I could not recall her face instantly. I tried to remember how was it like to be with her and slowly build her hazy image inside my head. For others, it only takes a look at the family album, but I do not have the luxury to access such resources. Guess what; photographs were not in fashion in that part of the world. So I have to make the best of what I can arrange hence, dived deep towards the source of these impulses.

The reason that I said she gave me a visit through my subconscious is that the thought about her came out of nowhere. Its been 20 years of her demise and not even once she popped up in my mind. It's not like we had a very close bond; still, she was here and, I could not remember her face clearly. Gradually, flashes of her trying to feed me while I was running away on my tricycle appeared in my mind. A poorly lit moment of her in an ageing vessel and struggling to cope up with life sprouting inside me flashed before my eyes. She probably might be thinking, what a jerk I am always frolicking around for no reason and giving her a hard time. But the more I pressed, the ironical tone of joy in her rebukes took me with surprise. 

The picture of her cursing me for bothering her and me teasing for the sport was somehow mesmerising for both of us. I could recall she outplaying me despite her crumbling joints and the celebration afterwards. It looked like the energy we poured at the moment suppressed the pain arose due to friction in her joints. By now, I have collected and rearranged the fragments of my memories to extrapolate her face. But, it still seemed incomplete for some reason. Maybe the intensity of these feelings required more detail of her appearance to fulfil the void kept in oblivion for such a long period. 

To recreate the whole of her, I travelled to my ancestral home in search of the relics she left. I thought her belongings might help in rebuilding the enigmatic details of her face. When I arrived, I could not find anything related to show the glimpse of the life she lived. It was sad to acknowledge the fact that she did not have anything significant in the form of physical belongings to pass on. I headed towards the resting place of my grandma as it was the only thing left of her. She rested on our ancestral fields whose vicinity was full of life contrary to what I remember of her.  A large mango tree has grown up beside her grave whose fallen twigs and leaves hid it completely. 

Only a few moments had passed that I recalled an old metal case lying on the attic of my ancestral home made of mud. I had a feeling that it was somehow related to my grandmother. I immediately rushed back to look at it and was surprised to found that it was the same box that my family opened after her death. It is quite funny that I remembered the box and not her face. I could see something engraved on the eroded lid of the box, probably her name. Without wasting another moment, I opened the box and what I discovered left me speechless. I ASKED FOR FRAGMENTS I GOT THE WHOLE PHOTOGRAPH. 

The box revealed the reason why subconsciously she lived inside my head. It contained a photograph of her and a toy bird made of clay which she crafted for me along with some old British era coins. It is natural to overflow the eyes with tears as I am only a human. I could see the familiar-eyes and expressions of a severely aged lady whose skin reached to the bones. Suddenly all the moments lived with her restored in my soul and, I could picture her clearer than the photograph. 

I headed back to her grave and displaced the fallen leaves. I cleaned it thoroughly and lit two clay lamps before leaving to my workplace. Even the almighty couldn't replace the amount of peace I experienced today. 

I spent a short period with my grandmother; still, it carried love to live through aeons. I think a small part of her soul slipped inside me before she left. Now, I could explain how I managed to live in solitude. My grandmother lived inside my subconscious only to get back. It is true that if you truly love somebody, you can never lose them. YES, I WAS MISSING MY GRANDMOTHER TODAY. Hence I spent a day with my grandmother.

"Endorse things that you have left in oblivion, before its too late."